What To Do When You Are In a Situation Where Spanish Conversation Is Expected But You Don't Speak Spanish Very Well

Last year, my friend's Spanish class was a light breeze moving slowly through the autumn air. This year, it is a fierce winter wind threatening to destroy her handsome snowman standing tall in the backyard. While her last two semester grades were A's, that hasn't been due to her super sick flashcards or 3:30 a.m. study sessions. Her loco teacher's rather, er, "unconventional" ways of open book tests guaranteed an easy 100. Except, when the foreign language department supervisor came into the class and started quizzing her on the current lesson all about traffic lights and stop signs, she quickly asked me, Advice Giver of All Advice Givers, for an escape plan.
What To Do When You Are In A Situation Where Spanish Conversation Is Expected But You Don't Speak Spanish Very Well

1. Breathe deeply and stare intently. This will make it look like you are conjuring up a cunning, witty, intelligent response with verbs in the correct tense and perfectly matched adjectives. (Really, you could be checking out some guy in front of you with an intense, "intellectual" gaze. The listener does not have to know what you are actually looking at.)

2. Smile. The person may become transfixed by your mirror-like, sparkly, snow white teeth, slip into a trance, fall onto the floor, and you will be saved from ever uttering "Me llamo Maxine" ever again.

3. Throw the word "bano" into the conversation at random intervals. "Bano" means bathroom and you may convince the listener you are about to explode and need to exit the encounter immediately, for whatever washcloset-related reason.

4. Break down crying and repeat the phrase "Mi gato! Mi gato!" endlessly. The listener will think something deathly horrific has happened with your cat because "gato" translates to "cat". He or she probably begin conersing in your known language (English!) for the full story. I mean, who doesn't want to hear about the trials and tribulations of kittens?

5. When all else fails, make the super sick flashcards. After all, your Spanish teacher will be proud, that A of yours will become an A+, and you will always be prepared for any surprise trips to Tijuana.