Things I Hate

You know those horrible moods? Those I-hate-the-world, I'm-going-to-burrow-in-my-bed, cry-for-no-reason, watch-large-amounts-of-Grey's-Anatomy-and-eat-a-lot-of-Ben-&-Jerry's-Chunky-Monkey moods? Well, for a greater part of this weekend, I was stuck in one of those negative spirals. However, it wasn't all bad. It inspired me to create the "Top 5 Things That I Hate List."

1. When people think you are younger than you actually are. Recently, one of my friends asked me to do some damage at the mall with her, but when she asked her dad for a ride, he said no. He said he "didn't want to be responsible for me" because "I was young to go to the mall alone." However, he would happily bring his daughter instead. His daughter and I are the same age and perfectly capable of shopping together.

2. When my parents continue take control of things I'm fully capable of handling as a mature adult. This morning, my mom journeyed with me to the local deli, where I proceeded to order a turkey sandwich. She said, "Please make it small, she doesn't eat a lot." Then, she decided to comment on the health benefits (or non-benefits) of my mayonnaise choice. I felt like shouting, "Mom! I've been making sandwiches for the greater part of two decades! Step off!"

3. When people judge you at the grocery store. Stop staring at me as I coast through the baby food aisle, people; I'm not a teenage mom, I'm just taking a shortcut to the milk aisle. Okay?

4. When guys try to hit on girls, and fail. At said deli counter, I also ordered a half-pound of Swiss cheese. As I walked away, the semi-cute-but-lacking-in-IQ butcher said, "Goodbye, Muenster." Did he forget that I ordered SWISS only seconds ago?! Then, I realized I was wearing a shirt that said "Monster Energy Drinks." Either someone can't read past a third grade level or has way too much cheese on the brain.

5. When you do something embarrassing and it seems nobody can forget about it. Sure, everyone has embarrassing moments, but it's a real bummer when my crew won't stop discussing how "it made their day" because it was so "hilarious" when I...um...hmmm. Maybe I won't share said embarrassing moment here, to save myself in a distant future when I decide to run for public office...

Well, that's one way to get free food...

In this economic recession, it is important to save money wherever possible. The country has already observed some steadfast citizens taking this to the extremes - after all, last year there was that guy trying to sell a piece of burnt toast on eBay. But, there must be some way to save a little cash without enduring public humiliation and receiving invitations to appear on embarrassing talk shows, right?

Well, I think I've found the Solution to All Solutions.

Last night, while dining at a local Japanese restaurant, the soft, melodic Asian tunes playing softly throughout the establishment's speakers suddenly changed to extremely loud gong banging. I was enraged at this disturbing distraction from my seemingly peaceful meal. However, I quickly realized that the gong was used to celebrate a fellow diner's birthday! The birthday boy’s waiter appeared from the back holding a lit candle...submerged in a dish of ice cream. Boy, was that chocolate mess tantalizing...

Suddenly, I got an idea. If I pretended it was my birthday, would they give me a free ice cream desert too?!

I decided to try out the idea. One of the people I was eating with opted to turn it into a prank. We alerted the waiter it was my brother's "birthday" - without telling my brother, of course. You should have seen his face when he started to courteously sing happy birthday to an unknown stranger...then realized the unknown stranger was, in fact, himself and that dish of ice cream was headed towards his placemat.

The restaurant even brought out a birthday hat and balloons for my fuming brother, but he couldn't speak up. Even he was mesmerized by that chocolate sundae's super sweet taste.

For all of you who decide to try out this idea, I suggest bringing a video camera to capture the moment. And remember, don't spend your saved $3.99 all in one place.

The River Experience

I've been known to trip and fall. A lot. (See "Diaries of a Ditz.") Usually, I can keep these instances contained...kind of. For example, when I concentrate really, really hard I can stand up in my high heels for a long period of time without swaying. Or carry a lunch tray throughout the cafeteria without making the nearest student a victim of Meatloaf Surprise and chocolate pudding. However, when I'm alone in the real world, things can get pretty Japanese game show-ish.

This morning, after an extreme snowstorm in the northeast that left schools closed (and mothers of five begging for them to be re-opened...), my brother and I decided to go snowshoeing in our white-blanketed backyard. This was fun until we realized a circle around our 2-acre yard was about as fun as the kiddie Dragon coaster at the carnival (you know, the one that even your Grandma Mae can outrun?) Plus, our moss-covered chimney was not exactly exciting scenery to hike around. So, we began the daunting hike up Ramapo Reservation. (A very big hill.) I hiked all the way up said hill on my feet with no wounds, punctures, lacerations or injuries. I didn't even have any falls threatening a twisted ankle. I was extremely proud of this rare accomplishment.

However, after we were finished hiking up, we started to descend. This was where things got ugly.

At the bottom of the hiking loop, my brother and I saw a frozen-over river. We were familiar with this - it was on the other side of our neighborhood . As a responsible, mature older sister, I warned my younger brother not to go near it. After all, too many newspaper clippings of Ice Fishing Gone Bad had caught my attention over the years and I was terrified of plunging into the water.

He promised he wouldn't jump on top, that "he just wanted to go to the edge and look in". I agreed, and we hiked over to the river, sat on the edge and peered out. Suddenly, I heard an ominous cracking sound (just like in the movies right before the little ice skater with the plaid scarf sinks into oblivion), and realized the "land" we were sitting on was actually the river - just snow-covered! I freaked out and plummeted onto the edge of the the ice-cold (literally) water. Luckily, it was only about 2 feet deep, and I just walked out. Phew!

Despite the fact that I was okay, I know I should take safety more seriously. I haven't exactly been a good girl recently...my mom wasn't exactly "proud" when I mentioned that I hitchhiked last weekend...